Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
