If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
