how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
