Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
