is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
