You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
