i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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