If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
