and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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