Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How's work?
Spinning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
