I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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