pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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