New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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