if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
