i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
