I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
