Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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