my phone needs a breathalizer
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
