I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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