we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
