I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Duck Duck Cougar?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
