angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
