dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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