i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
