My cat gives me a boner
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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