Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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