Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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