So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize