took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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