The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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