it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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