I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
