Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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