My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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