Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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