I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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