I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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