READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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