Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
