I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize