So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think i have two assholes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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