I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm going to jail i love you
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm just crazy horny about you
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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