Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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