He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
