You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
