If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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