im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
