I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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