There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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