i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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