I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We're too hungover to prance.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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