12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
