Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize