You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
