I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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