Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
