i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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