I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
