So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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