mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize