my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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