I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
