I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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