Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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