better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize