the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i now understand why vodka
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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