But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
