My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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