I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
