I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
