is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
